I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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