This is not my ceiling
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
