That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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