I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
