Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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