we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize