just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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