i was born a porn star she said
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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