Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
