You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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