Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
