when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
