Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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