whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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