this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
