I'm really into asian looking animals
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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