Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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