Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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