Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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