You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
