people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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