OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
