i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
