I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
