Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
