I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
