I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
