Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
