Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
