Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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