Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
