Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize