One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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