Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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