I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
She needs sedatives and a leash
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
