I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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