I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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