So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
