im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
