I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Randomize
