and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize