Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
