so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
