Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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