I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
