took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
