I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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