Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
