Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
