his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
