I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
