When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
