I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
