I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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