First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
there was a trapeze. enough said
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
