Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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