Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
