I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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