i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
A bitchslap is in order.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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