the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
