the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
