My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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