True but thats because hes a fetus.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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