My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
