It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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