I have demons in me.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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