Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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