Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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