Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize