so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
