don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
