how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
