think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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