The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
