I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
