There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
