You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
