I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize