Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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