I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
