I'm so fucking centered right now
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
