Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
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