mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
