Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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