My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Let's get the cat blown out
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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