my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
